Oh hey, it's a Pokemon fanfic. Very different than the ones I usually write, too– this one attempts to be canon (as long as I can write faster than they make the movies) and has some characters as the anime. I've never done that before and I have no idea how it will turn out, but I'll try my best. I need to get this out of my head and onto paper before I explode.

Prologue

The only light in the cavern came from a red glow that shone through cracks in the floor, just enough to make out the intricate carvings on the walls. They were old and yet not old, dipicting–
islands, with great birds fighting in their skies,
a great serpent spiraling down from a storm, holding something in each claw, red and blue–
dragons, skimming the surface of a lake,
three beings, one of rock, one of steel, one of ice, surrounding a greater being that themselves,
and in the center, a white figure, out of which came all of creation.

flash

A figure appeated in the center of the room with a sudden burst of light. It had a small blue body, a triangular head of a deeper blue, two tails with a red gem in their points and a third gem in its forehhead. The tails dragged on the ground as it hovered a few feet in the air, first going to a picture of a green creature flying through a forest, then to a bird with rainbow wings, then stopping at the serpent, putting his hand on it and sighing.

flash

A second being appeared besides the first, its eyes tightly shut.

"Hello Azelf," it said.

"Hello Uxie," she replied.

The arrival reached out to the picture and groaned when she felt it. "Oh sister, I know you're upset about what happened, but–"

"It shouldn't have happened," Azelf snapped. "And if we had hidden them better, it wouldn't have!"

She took her hand off the picture and it glowed briefly with a white light.

"Be careful," Uxie cautioned, taking her hand off as well. "You know who's here."

Azelf glared at the floor.

flash

Another burst of light and a third Pokemon appeared. "Hello, sisters!" she said cheerfully. "I'm glad to see that you're both here!"

"Well, of course I would be here," Azelf growled, still staring at the floor. "I was the one who said we should meet here."

"Mesprit, she's still upset about yesterday." Uxie sighed. "As am I."

"So am I, but she doesn't need act like this," she replied. "Azelf, if you've been having nightmares again, yell at Darkrai, not us."

"These nightmares aren't from Darkrai," she said, looking up from the floor. "But that's not why I asked to meet here. I found something."

Mesprit looked at her, surprised. "Here? We've been here many times and I've never seen anything unusual."

"Well, this is. It's over here."

Directly across from the carving of creation was a blank wall, cracks running through it. But it wasn't blank, as Uxie and Mesprit discovered. Upon examining it, they found things that should not have been there.

"Words!" Uxie cried. "Names and dates! I've seen this wall many times and this was never here before!"

"It can't have just appeared there, but it's old," Azelf said. "I think those dates are birthdates. Look closely at the names."

"There's me!"

And indeed, although the letters were faded and a large crack ran through the second half of the name, it clearly said MESPRIT.

"No, it couldn't be me," she said. "How can it be me? There must be some other Pokemon with a similar name. Or it could be a human."

"Mesprit, that's your name." Azelf placed her hand on the stone and took it off again. "And what's even stranger is that this wasn't created by a legendary. It's nothing like the others."

"But who could have, then?" Uxie said in despair. "All of these dates, except for Mesprit's and whoever this is are in the future. What kind of human could see that far? This one is nearly three hundred years in the future."

"M... Marcus something Fle... I can't make it out" Mesprit muttered. "Feb... February... sixth? Nineteen nine... eighty... eight. R... or is that a B? B E... something. This is all so faded. No, if it was made by a legendary it would be preserved like the other carvings."

"And whoever made it was in a hurry," Uxie continued. "This was done fast. What was happening when it was made?"

"It could have been a human," Azelf said. "One of the others could have told a human all this and he or she wrote it quickly, before..."

"Before what?"

"You're the guardian of knowledge! What memories are associated with this?"

"That's another thing! I don't know!"

"Nineteen... nineteen ninety... eight? Nine? Zero? X... something... this one's short..."

"Azelf," Uxie said, "we need to figure out what's on this thing. We have a few hundred years, but considering what else has been going on, we should start now."

Azelf stared at the floor again.

"This one says Flareon," Mesprit said, "and I think the one after it is Salamance, but I can't make out the last one at all. Does it begin with an S? G? And the date is infinity, like mine. It's a legendary, but which one?"

The ground suddenly shook and the red glow brightened.

"We need to leave," Azelf said after it had stopped. "We have three hundred years until the first one is born. We can find the names."

"And then what?" Uxie retorted.

"And then we find out what this means. Come on, let's go."

They all vanished with a flash of golden light.

-

Somewhat rushed, since I couldn't wait to start on chapter one. But I don't think I did too badly.

Constructive criticism, please?

Hmm it's pretty interesting. It makes me want to know what happens next. ^^

Although, I had to reread it a couple of times... a few of the parts were kind of confusing, like the dates in the future thing. It is rather rushed... maybe you can polish it a little later.

What other parts were confusing? Can you be more specific? After I finish writing the first chapter I'll probably fix the prologue.

Hmm, it's interesting. =D One thing I suggest that you do is really clearly define the three Pokemon; I'm not familiar with the DP Pokemon so while I know generally what the three Pokemon look like, I couldn't tell them apart. It also gets confusing when there's only dialogue- who's saying what and what are they doing while they say it? Try to include stuff like that, like, "Mesprit hovered closer to the wall, blue eyes squinted as she tried to read," or something like that. ^^

The wall thing is kind of confusing, too; maybe this is because it's a prologue and there's nothing before this in the story, but personally I can't see the significance in that there's a wall that they never noticed before. Why is it so special, and what's significant about it not being drawn by a legendary?

Overall I think you need to slow down a little bit with it. Take the time to describe more of what's going on. I love your writing; I know you're capable of writing really really awesome stuff. ^^ This just seems a little rushed; take your time and it'll be awesome like all the other stories you write. =D

Chapter 1 (the first half, at least)

"Rebecca, you need to get up!"

The girl tried to ignore the voice and pulled the blankets over her head.

"Rebecca! Dangit, Skarmory, she's your trainer, you get her up!"

Then there was something on top of her, pulling off the covers and tugging at her hair.

"Agh," she said, "Skarmory, off ."

With some difficulty, she pushed the steel bird away and sat up. He jumped down from the bed next to a frowning girl with sandy brown hair.

"Okay, I'm up." Rebecca yawned. "Rachel, what time is it?"

"Around ten," she replied. "Everyone else is at breakfast, but you can't go, because we have to leave early, remember?"

"Oh, right." She looked around at the empty beds around her, trying to remember what was so important about today. "Right. Shoot, the tournament's today!"

Skarmory grinned at her, a few strands of black hair caught in his beak.

"Next time, don't stay up until three reading." Rachel kneeled down and pulled open the drawer underneath the bed. "You need to get ready fast, because we're leaving soon. Wow, how did this get so messy?"

"Because you don't listen to me when I tell you to keep out of my stuff," Rebecca said, leaning over and grabbing a hairbrush from the jumble of clothes and books.

"It's not all my fault. I've never left it this bad," she snapped, throwing a purple shirt at her. "Hurry up and get dressed. If you're not ready in five minutes, I'm telling Mark to leave without you."

"Why? You're not even going to be battling?" Rebecca said, dropping the brush to catch the clothes. "Oh, unless it's because of that guy with the Salamance you think is so–"

Rachel shut the drawer with a loud wham. "Oh, just get ready, please!" she muttered, her cheeks reddening. "We'll be waiting outside."

"What? I don't think he's that bad myself," Rebecca called after her as she walked away. "He's good at battling, he's–"

"Oh, shut up!"

Slam went the door.

Rebecca sighed. "I probably shouldn't have teased her so much. She hasn't been in the best of moods for the last month."

Skarmory nodded, then pointed at the clock.

"Yeah, I know, you don't want to miss this either," she said, picking up the brush again and struggling with her long hair. "Although technically we won't miss it, we'll just be late, and that won't be so bad."

He glared at her and angrily bit a shirt lying on the floor.

"Hey, don't do that!" Rebecca snapped, pulling it away. "You know how..."

She stopped when she saw what the shirt was. It was red with a black M on the front. It had a hood once, but Skarmory had bitten it off not long after she joined Team Magma.

Was he still angry at her decision even now, two years later?

Skarmory pulled at her arm and pointed at the clock again.

"Right," she mumbled, putting the shirt back in her drawer. "I think it's been five minutes already. We should hurry."

-

Uh. This took longer than I thought it would. And this is technically the first half, although I suppose I could count the second half as chapter two if I really wanted to. I can see some problems with it, but it turned out better than I thought it would.

*attacks the prologue* Ack, I was really rushing when I wrote this. Azelf is described well (somewhat), but none of the others have any description whatsoever. This is going to take a while.

Prologue revised. Not the best, but it's much better than before.

The only light in the cavern came from a red glow that shone through cracks in the floor, just enough to make out the intricate carvings on the walls. They were old and yet not old, depicting–
islands, with great birds fighting in their skies,
a great serpent spiraling down from a storm, holding something in each claw, red and blue–
dragons, skimming the surface of a lake,
three beings, one of rock, one of steel, one of ice, surrounding a greater being that themselves,
and in the center, a white figure, out of which came all of creation.

flash

A figure appeared in the center of the room with a sudden burst of light. It had a small blue body, a triangular head of a deeper blue, two tails with a red gem in their star-shaped points and a third gem in its forehead. The tails dragged on the ground as it hovered a few feet in the air, first going to a picture of a green creature flying through a forest, then to a bird with rainbow wings, then stopping at the serpent, putting her hand on it and sighing.

flash

A second being appeared besides the first, its eyes tightly shut. It was like the first, but with a round, yellow head.

"Hello Azelf," it said.

"Hello Uxie," she replied.

The arrival reached out to the picture and groaned when she felt it. "Oh sister, I know you're upset about what happened, but–"

"It shouldn't have happened," Azelf snapped. "And if we had hidden them better, it wouldn't have!"

She took her hand off the picture and it glowed briefly with a white light.

"Be careful," Uxie cautioned, taking her hand off as well. "You know who's here. We don't want her to wake up again."

Azelf glared at the floor.

flash

Another burst of light and a third Pokemon appeared. It could have been a twin of the others– and perhaps it was– but for its magenta head with four antennae hanging from it. "Hello, sisters!" she said cheerfully. "I'm glad to see that you're both here!"

"Well, of course I would be here," Azelf growled, still staring at the floor. "I was the one who said we should meet here."

"Mesprit, she's still upset about yesterday." Uxie sighed. "As am I."

"So am I, but she doesn't need act like this," she replied. "Azelf, have you been having nightmares again?"

"Yes," she said, looking up from the floor. "But that's not why I asked to meet here. I found a new carving."

Mesprit looked at her, surprised. "Here? But there hasn't been a new carving here since–"

Azelf shrugged. "Well, I think it's new. I've never seen it before, I don't know about you. It's over here."

Directly across from the carving of creation was a stone wall, cracks running through it. On it were pictures of... of what? They had never seen anything like it.

"Are those ships?" Uxie wondered. "They're the strangest ships I've ever seen. Where are the sails?"

"Is that the red orb?" Mesprit bent down to peer at it more closely. "Is this of the past? I can't remember anything like this happening. And what are those words in the center?"

"Names and dates," Azelf said. "Probably birthdates. Look closely, sisters."

"There's me!"

And indeed, although the letters were faded and a large crack ran through the second half of the name, it clearly said MESPRIT.

"No, it couldn't be me," she said. "How can it be me? There must be some other Pokemon with a similar name. Or it could be a human."

"Mesprit, that's your name." Azelf placed her hand on the stone and took it off again. "And what's even stranger is that this wasn't created by a legendary. It's nothing like the others."

"But you can't get here if you're not a legendary," Uxie said in despair. "And how could any Pokemon or human see this far into the future? Look, these dates are nearly three hundred years from now."

"M... Marcus something Fle... I can't make it out" Mesprit muttered. "Feb... February... sixth? Nineteen ninety... no, eighty... eight. R... or is that a B? B E... something. This is all so faded. No, if it was made by a legendary it would be preserved like the others."

"Unless they were in a hurry," Uxie muttered. "This was done fast. What was happening when it was made?"

"It could have been a human," Azelf said. "One of the others could have brought one here."

"But no one can–"

"You're the guardian of knowledge!" Azelf cried out. "Can you see what memories are associated with this? Maybe that can give us some answers!"

Uxie was silent for a moment. "Yes," she finally said. "Yes. Why didn't I think of that before? Mesprit, you should move."

Mesprit backed away as Uxie went to it and placed her hand on it. The gem on her forehead started to glow. She opened her eyes slightly, then closed them and shook her head.

"I can see your memories," she said. "Finding it for the first time, coming back to it again, to make sure it was really there... everything before that it black."

"Lord, where did this come from?" Azelf asked the empty air.

Mesprit moved back to the wall and narrowed her blue eyes. "Nineteen... nineteen ninety... eight? Nine? Zero? Can you help me? X... something... this one's short..."

Uxie sighed and felt the stone. "That feels like a K, not an X."

"It's a pretty strange K, then." Azelf looked as well. "I think the third name begins with an R. Rachel? Remus? Why does it matter? We have a long time. We need to figure out who made this thing."

"No," Uxie said, "we need to figure out what's on this thing. Why does it matter who made it? They, whoever they were, made this for a reason. Something happens in three hundred years and these people are important." She felt the carving again. "The red and blue... this is of the future. Does someone make the same mistake poor Jen did?"

Azelf stared at the floor again.

"This one says Flareon," Mesprit said. "Thats clear enough. The sixth one looks like Salamance, but I can't make out the last one at all. Does it begin with an S? G? And the date is the same as mine. It's a legendary, but which one?"

"If it's a G, there's only one it can be," Uxie muttered, "and lord, I hope–"

The ground suddenly shook and the red glow brightened.

"We need to leave," Azelf said after it had stopped. " We've been here too long already. We have three hundred years."

"But then what?" Uxie retorted. "What if that's not enough time?"

"It will be. We have four names already. Come, let's go."

They all vanished with a flash of golden light.

Very good fanfic! I never read your first prologue but the revised version appears to be awesome. You explained the situation very well, and the mysteries make the reader to read the next chapter. Good work, Cyndaquil201!

Thanks for the comment! The first version is kind of horrible and I'm somewhat glad you didn't read it first.

The second half of chapter one is done. Still needs some work, though. The first half is a few posts up.

-

"No, we can't leave without her," he was saying. "We need Skarmory so that we can fly to Fallabor after the tournament is over."

"We could walk," Rachel argued. "It's not that far from Lavaridge."

"You could, but I'm not. We have time, we'll wait for another ten minutes."

Rachel glared at him. "We don't have ten minutes; the tournament starts in half an hour and it takes us almost twenty minutes to get there."

"That's when we walk, though. If we run–"

"Mark, you may be a higher rank than me, but that doesn't mean you're always right. We have only five more minutes at the most to wait. If that means we have to walk to Fallabor, then we'll just walk to Fallabor."

The older man sighed and ran a hand through his dark blue hair. "Yeah, buut then we won't get to spend as much time there. And I don't want to be the only one battling. Why are you even coming, anyway?"

"That was your idea," she retorted. "I just wanted to go to Fallabor, and you said that it would be easier to come to the tournament as well."

"Right. I am regretting that now, believe me."

Rachel looked up at the sky again. The sun was high in the sky, but the light was obscured by the ash that fell down from Mt. Chimney. A thin covering coated the ground, the trees and, to her annoyance, her clothes. She tried to brush it off her black outfit, but it stubbornly stuck.

Mark checked his watch. "Okay, it's ten eighteen now. I say we wait until–"

"Skaar!"

Something gray suddenly burst out of the trees, flying low over the ground. Mark jumped back with a yell as it darted past him and soared up into the sky.

"What was that?" Mark yelled. Rachel grinned.

"That," Rebecca said, running down the slope, "was Skarmory. I told him he could fly to Lavaridge ahead of us. What did he do?"

"Nothing," he muttered, "just scared the... never mind, it's nothing. What took you so long?"

The girl shrugged. "Just took a while getting up. Sorry."

"Well," Rachel said, feeling much more cheerful than before, "we should go, shouldn't we?"

Without waiting for an answer, she started walking down the road. The others followed a few steps behind, talking quietly among themselves.

"I know she was close to him, but... Lord, wasn't she so cheerful before?" Mark said. Rebecca nodded.

"Yeah, but a month isn't that long," she said. "She'll be fine."

"A month isn't that short, either, though. Why did he just have to disappear like that?"

Rachel pretended not to hear, but her smile disappeared.

I only had time to read the revised prologue, so that's what I'll comment on now, and I'll comment on the rest later. ^^

It's much better from the last one. =D It's a lot clearer, and it's easier to see what's going on. I like that you included the thing with Mesprit being the guardian of knowledge; that made it more interesting. (Actually, now that I look back, you mentioned it in the first one too, but I like that it's been drawn out in the second one. ^^)

In the first version, you mentioned nightmares from Darkrai; I think it's good that you left that out in the second version. It dragged away from it a little bit, and in the second version, the information as well as dialogue is more precise and relevant to what's going on.

Basically the prologue is a lot more organized-sounding; everything is more concise and what's important is drawn out longer. ^^ Good job! =D I shall definitely read chapter one when I get the chance, this is going to be an awesome story~~

I read Chapter One. It is good, but I don't like the change of environment from a PMD-like one (prologue) to an environment with humans (Chapter One). However, the story is still awesome!

I want to read more.