So, you might recognize the topic title. Maybe you wouldn't. It's lyrics from LeAnn Rime's song "How Do I Live Without You".

This is a complicated problem, so there's going to be a lot of explaining. I'll summarize at the end if you don't want to read the whole thing, but I would rather you did, so any advice you might have could be more helpful.

Okay, so there's these two friends of mine... I'll call one Katie, and one Mark. Katie is a senior this year, and Mark graduated last year. I met Kaite and Mark because of band, mostly, since they both play clarinet. They're both in DI, as well, and I don't feel like explaining DI. It's a club; that's all that's important right now.

So, Katie and Mark are good friends of mine, and they have been together (as in boyfriend/girlfriend) for close to three years. Since Mark has already graduated and I know both him and Katie through DI and band, anytime I would see Mark lately I would also be with Katie.

On Tuesday, a band came to our school to play, and all the band members at our school helped out. Katie was there, and I spent a good deal of my time where I wasn't doing anything else talking to her. Later on, Mark came to watch the performance, but he got there before it started.

As I wandered around, I noticed that Katie and Mark hadn't even acknowledged each other's presence. I kept looking between them, waiting for one to call out to the other or something. Katie just stayed with one of her friends, and Mark just leaned against the wall, looking incredibly bored and a little sad. After a while, I went over and talked to him.

Our conversation wasn't anything relevant to the problem, really; we talked about DI mostly. He seemed somewhat sad, but I suppose the tone of his voice and his appearance makes him seem a little sad all the time.

After I talked to him, I wandered around, eventually coming to Katie, who had obviously seen me talking to Mark. She tugged on my sleeve, pulling me closer as she said, "Shadow, we need to talk (she didn't call me Shadow, obviously)," She then told me that Mark broke up with her.

My first reaction was shock, as well as a little bit of a "I thought it seemed like that... I wish I was wrong," kind of reaction. The latter felt stronger after she told me it happened on Saturday. On Monday, I talked to her at school, and when I asked her how she was, she responded, "eh, kinda crappy". The thought that perhaps they had broken up crept into my mind then, but I didn't think about that much.

If Katie was still sad on Tuesday, she didn't show it, really. I got the impression that she was angry with Mark and would rather not have me talk to him.

So here's a big part of the problem. Mark is still a friend of mine, and I have a hard time hating someone because of something like this. I've been in another situation like this, where I was friends with both people before they broke up, and I eventually decided I couldn't hate one person because the other did. The difference between these two is that I hardly see Mark anymore, and soon I'll hardly see Katie (when she graduates). After she graduates, whenever it would be likely to see one, it would be likely I would see the other. Since there's apparently no communication between the two of them anymore, I would feel torn between hanging around Katie or hanging around Mark. I would feel bad not talking to Mark, since he's always been my friend and I don't want him to get the impression that I'm avoiding him because of what Katie told me, but I wouldn't want Katie to feel betrayed if I talk to him, assuming she's angry with him.

That's probably the biggest part of this mixed up problem, but there's more, really. This is very long and confusing, I'm sure. I apologize for that.

Since they've broken up, I strangely feel like it wouldn't be right for me to like the person I do. This sounds really stupid to me, because half of my mind keeps telling me that their break up has absolutely nothing to do with me liking someone. That's probably true, but I would feel bad talking to Katie about the person I like, since that would probably remind her of her and Mark, and I wouldn't want to do that, whether she's angry or sad or both about it. This one's really confusing. I'm not going to explain that anymore.

To summarize. My friends, Mark and Katie, recently broke up, and I feel torn wanting to be friends with both still. I don't want Mark to think I'm ignoring him if I spend more time with Katie, and I don't want Katie to feel betrayed if I spend time with Mark.

Dang it, I just can't believe, I don't want to believe, that they aren't together anymore. They just seemed so perfect for each other. Right now, my biggest wish is that something would happen so they could be together again. I hate seeing my friends fighting, but they're not, they're not even talking to each other anymore. I hate that even more. And the fact that I'm judging that sentence on what I observed on one day. I feel like I'm not seeing the whole picture, but what else is there to see? What I witnessed on Tuesday is probably what I would witness any time in the future that I see them, unless they do get back together or at least are friends again. But since Mark has graduated and Katie will soon, I'll hardly see them at all, and I think a friendship between them again is unlikely.

But again, I feel like I'm only seeing part of the picture, and I feel really awkward making assumptions like that, but I'm afraid that they might be right. And then there comes the guilt of making assumptions. I just wish they were together again.

Aww, poor Shadow, caught behind one of the most inexplicable things of teenhood: relationships. I don't think anyone fully understands them, really.

My advice? Ask Katie if you can still be friends with Mark and that she won't feel betrayed, because you've been friends with him for a long time and you'd like to still be. But I suppose that only solves half of the problem...

Unfortunately, people do go through boyfriends. There was probably a reason for their breakup, or perhaps a lot of reasons. Hopefully, though, you'll see Mark around and will be in his school in two years' time (unless one of you is going to a different high school, that is.) Be sure to value your friendships, but if it gets too painful, you might just have to not be as close friends with him simply because of seperation. But I'm sure he'll still be willing to talk to you whenever you see each other. ^^

That's probably the best thing to do. If I get the chance to ask (since I don't really want to start a conversation with something like that... XD), I'll ask.

Mmm, I think that's the bigger part of it. I think the second part is just a lingering awkwardness that will soon fade. I think it is already.

From what I've heard from Katie, he broke up with her because of the distance between them, with her being close to finishing high school and him in college. But maybe there's more, I don't know.

No; he's done with high school already and is in college. Same with Katie, except this is her last year of high school. Our school's both a middle school and a high school.

^^

Thanks for your help, Zephyr. ^^

Poor shadow.... I hope there's something you can do to help, or we could do...

Oh, yes, I'm in DI, too, we won our competition, and are going to states.

But, maybe you could visit them separetley, find out how you could communicate with them, Like phone, internet, letters, or anything else that might work.

Thanks... I think the initial shock has worn off. See, my fantasy mind can think of like a thousand different ways for them to get back together, and about the same amount of ways they could hate each other. >_> It's times like this when I don't like imagination. XD

Ahh, congratulations. We got third this year. Soo close to state... ;__; The high school team is going to state, though.

Yeah, that could work... it might even turn out that she would be totally fine with me being friends with him still. I haven't gotten a chance to talk to her about that, but I don't think she's the type of person that would be mad for something like that. Hmm.

This sounds vaguely familiar to what happened with two of my friends. Except they weren't going out in the first place... Oh, whatever. Well, one friend said something that they didn't mean and the other got angry. And never forgave her. It happened nearly a year ago, and I've had two different groups of friends since.

I think that the answer would indeed be to talk to them about still being friends with the other, and unless they hate each other's guts now, they'll understand. Don't be afraid to talk to them around each other, either. If they really understand, they won't care. If they do care, then tell them that they'll have to accept that you're friends with the other.

I kinda just repeated stuff. ^^; But I hope that helps, if not only a little bit.

Yeah, that helps. ^^ I haven't seen him in a really long time, and I don't really know when I will... hopefully it will be soon, though. I think it's been long enough that they wouldn't feel like that, but I don't know. Eergh, I'm rambling. XD

Woot...I have never been to anything like that. I wouldn't know what to do, so I agree with Zephyr.

The thing closest to that I ever faced was very distinct, and wasn't a problem. There was a gril I used to have a crush on, but I have no more. There was a friend of mine who is in another classroom, but if he needs me, he stands in the wall near to when the class is over. One day, he started to ramble about something the friend of my ex crush did (I couldn't get it, though) and he knew I where friends with them, so he wanted me to lead him to them. I knew a few places they were likely to doze off in, but suddenly, Heitor and his crew appeared. In this time, we were enemies, so I had nothing to do but to run away. But then, it took me a lot of time to find my friend again. But I found him, and then we found the girls on a place that they are highly likely to be at. Just in time, even: I already had to leave when we found them.

Your problem is probably over now (nearly half a year ago), but just in case it isn't, and for anybody else who is having the problem:

Feel free to talk to either of them. If they don't like each other, then it's better to try and talk to both than to just ignore them. The worst thing you can do is to try and bring them back together. They'll do that in their own time. Sure, if you're having a birthday party you can invite them both, but don't try and arrange things to get them back together again. If they have a problem with you being around each other, then they will tell you.

I'm sorry, I didn't go into much depth there, but I hope it helps.